I just hope that you would come across this some day or another even though you never read my blog automatically before .. But I really just hope that you would 1 day , suddenly have the urge to read my blog . I know that day might not come but if that day really do arrive , you would notice that almost all the posts are linked to you ..
I don't expect you to understand the pain that I am suffering . I know you won't feel the impact of the hurt inflected because you aren't directly being hurt .
I don't expect you to understand how much troubles I am going through . It is impossible for you to know what am I thinking because I don't really have the intention to tell you because I am afraid that you'll think that I am trying to attract your attention or whatsoever .
All I wanted was just for you to talk with me ; to chat with me . Is it really that hard ? Is Dota really that attractive & more important than me ? If so , why not you just go and find another girl who is obsess with Dota too ?
I am just another typical girl . I love the night . I love to walk around in shopping mall . I love to go on window shopping . I love to hang in the library . I love to do alot of stuffs that girls at my age would love to do & maybe some only purely my own beloved . But I am changing .
For how long had I not go out in the night ? For how long had I not been slacking outside but staying beside you while you played your Dota instead of accompanying me ? For how many times did I just let you sleep alittle while more while suffering the hunger myself ? For how long didn't I really went window shopping ? For how long did I not buy anything for myself ? For how long did I not hang out with my friends or even chatting with them ?
I ain't complaining or trying to show how 'nobel' I am . I know this is what a girl should do .. But do you understand ? I just want you to give in to my request sometimes .. Not requests on what to eat or watch but request on accompanying me .. All I wanted was just to hold your hand proudly and strot through the malls .
I know you need to work . Yes , I know about the money problem . But can't I just be sad for awhile because I knew the time for you to accompany me will be lesser ? Why must you scold me & blame me ? Am I really so useless ?
Do you know how scared I was just now when you guys nearly quarreled with Dewei they all ? You didn't know right ? Do you know how happy & how painful was I when I found the photo again ? Do you know that my heart hurts more than my knuckles do ?
I wanted you to meet your family was for your own good . Why must you fierce me too ? Or are you thinking that I am just trying to impress your family ? Hello ? But what is the point right darling ? It isn't as though you didn't know that your family already have a bad impression on me .
Seriously , I really don't know what is there to say anymore .. Am tired man .. Monday will be a new day & a new start ; hopefully .. & after talking to you at Buangkok , I am starting to understand what do you actually feel for me ..
Everybody needs to grow up .. Since life is starting to get boring for you & I already did my best - I believe - the rest is up to you . If you really do not know how to treasure a relationship or even me , then 长痛不如短痛 。
你连对于那个问题都能回答不知道了 。问你为了我 ，你愿意弃暗投明吗 ，你回答不会 。累了 。真的不知道自己在你心中到底有多少分量了
Labels: I ain't blaming you but blaming myself for being a useless lady and woman .
MinGuang
March 2010
